Idiots Decide to Boycott Starbucks Over Cups


Every year Starbucks puts out a new coffee cup for the holiday season. Usually around that same time, Fox News and other conservative and Republican supporting media outlets declare that liberals have declared a “War on Christmas.” Somehow this year, the two events have combined into a mega war on christmas idiot event.

In a recent speech in Springfield, the capital of the state of Illinois, Leading GOP 2016 presidential contender, media personality,  and real estate mogul Donald Trump said “maybe we should boycott Starbucks.” Trump of course was referring to recent calls by Christian conservatives and evangelicals around the country to boycott the coffee chain. The entire “movement” of sorts started in the form of a video by one Joshua Feurstein, a self proclaimed American evangelist and traditional media, internet, and social media personality. In the video, Feurstein ranted about political correctness in this country (apparently he feels that he should be allowed to say racist things) and theorized that the reason Starbucks made their holiday coffee cups plain red this year is because they wanted to take Jesus Christ off all of their items in a move to accommodate America’s scourge of political correctness. The man went on to say that Starbucks Baristas (a term that the company uses to refer to the people that work behind the counter mixing and serving up the brand’s signature lattes, frappuccinos, and caramel macchiatos) are not allowed to wish patrons Merry Christmas, also apparently a move aimed at accommodating Christian hating liberals. The video has been viewed over 1.2 million times. There is even a hashtag on Twitter around the Starbucks War on Christmas topic.

The irony is that Evangelicals like Joshua Feurstein are seeking affirmation of their beliefs in the most unholy, ungodly place of all: corporate America. In the past, religious organizations around the country have frequently complained about the “commodification of Christmas”, claiming that corporations and advertisers have ruined the meaning of the holiday, which was initially meant to be a religious and spiritual time of year to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ. In 1991 in an open letter published by the New York Times, 25 members of the clergy wrote “Malls have become the new shrines of worship. Massive and alluring advertising crusades have wages war on essential meaning of the spiritual life, fostering the belief that the marketplace can fulfill our highest aspirations.” For years, some groups have even boycotted corporate America during the Christmas season. Religious people have often refrained from giving gifts to their children in an effort to spread a more spiritual message during the season.

Now, the opposite is true. Feurstein and other internet bible thumpers are calling on corporations like Starbucks to continue the commodification of Christmas for the purpose of selling more products. Any incident of removing the world Christmas from items like disposable cups, whether that incident was intentional or not, is seen as a battle in a larger war declared by liberal conspirators to remove the bible from our everyday lives and destroy Christmas once and for all.